Permission to Decline: Why ‘No’ Is Your Word of the Year”

Join me! It’s time to take a stand, start setting healthy boundaries, and reclaim our balance and focus to ensure we use our time and energy for our personal well-being.

It’s time for the people-pleasing to stop!

I know, there’s a lot of pressure on women to say “yes” because, lord, lest we aren’t viewed as a helpful woman raised with the proper virtues all women should demonstrate in their daily lives.

How many of us have been determined to use this word more because we’re tired of feeling like a patsy?

Now admit how many times we have tried using the word without success. Why? Others, namely our mothers in most cases, can guilt trip a grown woman into total submission, overriding our determination with a carefully worded three-word statement (they need help, you live closer, you’re off today, she’s your sister).

It’s an emotionally powerful move that can make you question your own beliefs when you are not guilty of doing anything wrong by setting a boundary when saying no.

Yes, I’m talking about my own experience when saying no. Even though I knew I had not done anything wrong, after my mom’s three-word phrase, I still spent the rest of the night wearing my husband’s ear out about how I wasn’t a bad person; I just needed some rest from all the numerous times that week I had said “yes.

Why Saying “No” is So Important to Your Wellbeing

Saying “no” is not a sign of selfishness or unkindness. On the contrary, it’s an act of self-respect and self-care. When you say “no,” you’re choosing to prioritize your well-being over the demands of others. Healthy boundaries are essential for maintaining mental, emotional, and physical health. Without them, you risk overcommitting yourself, feeling overwhelmed, feeling resentful, and eventually burning out.

Here are some key reasons why saying “no” is crucial:

Preserves Your Energy: Saying “no” ensures you have the time and energy to focus on what truly matters to you—whether that’s your personal goals, relationships, or self-care.

Protect Your Mental Health: Constantly saying “yes” can lead to anxiety, stress, and feelings of being out of control. By setting clear boundaries, you protect your mental well-being.

Improves Relationships: Boundaries help to foster healthier, more balanced relationships. People will respect you more when you are transparent and honest about what you can and cannot do. I can attest to how much respect improves when you stand your ground and say “no.”

Increases Productivity and Focus: When you say “no” to distractions and unnecessary tasks, you can dedicate more time to the things that align with your values and long-term goals.

How to Say “No” and Set Healthy Boundaries Without Being Confrontational or Awkward

Saying “no” doesn’t have to be confrontational or awkward. It’s about being firm but respectful in expressing your needs. Below are some tips for how to say “no” effectively:

1. Be Direct and Clear: Vagueness can lead to confusion and further pressure. It will feel uncomfortable at first, but you MUST be direct and clear even if it feels uncomfortable at first.

2. Don’t Over-Explain: This is a major pet peeve of mine! You don’t owe ANYONE a detailed explanation for why you are saying “no.” A simple, straightforward response is often the most effective. Besides, when someone overexplains to you when they could easily say no, what would you think? I’ll be straight up: I usually think someone is lying and making excuses. It makes me madder than their saying “no” because I believe then, why didn’t they just say they couldn’t do it?

3. Practice Self-Compassion: Yes, you will naturally feel guilty but you are not obligated to do everything for everyone. It’s essential to recognize that guilt is a natural response, but it doesn’t have to dictate your actions.

Keep in mind that:

• You’re allowed to prioritize yourself. Taking care of your own needs is essential to being able to help others in the long run. It doesn’t mean you are being selfish. Can you be any good to anyone else if you are not taking care of yourself?

• You don’t have to explain yourself endlessly. A brief, polite “no” is all that’s needed. Please stop explaining yourself. Just tell them that you can’t help, attend the event, or stay overnight at the hospital.

• Your relationships will benefit from clear boundaries. Saying “no” can help you establish a sense of respect and mutual understanding. Trust me, setting boundaries will feel uncomfortable at first, but once everyone understands your position, their approach will change. Then the times that you do say yes are more rewarding and fulfilling because you are helping with a happy heart instead of a resentful attitude because others didn’t respect your time and YOU didn’t make them.

Char’s Final Thoughts

I personally understand and have struggled with saying “no”. After exhausting myself trying to people please, I realized that one of the most powerful moves I could make in my life is to set healthy boundaries. It allowed me to control my time, preserve my energy, and prioritize my mental and emotional well-being.

Make sure you practice self awareness because it will help you be honest about whether you even have the desire or energy to help.

Be direct and clear when communicating so nothing is lost in translation. It’s not unkind to set boundaries because they foster balance, respect, and happiness for all involved.

So, the next time you’re faced with a request that doesn’t align with your priorities, take a deep breath, trust yourself, and say “NO” with confidence.

To Your Personal Success